One Man – One View

February 3, 2009


Filed under: Family,health,religion,Uncategorized,Writing — onemanoneview @ 10:57 AM

What leads you to call a dream bad? Is it that the experience of the dream’s narrative in and of its self disturbing or is it the waking up from it that defines it as disturbing? For me it is most certainly the latter. I have probably experienced close to a thousand night times since the day that eviscerated me. A thousand night times that have produced the same basic screenplay while just changing up the actors and with a slight tweaking to the screenplay. The only exception to this was for about a month in the early days when my doctor prescribed Ambien for me to help me sleep. I called Ambien the dream killer because while using it I either didn’t dream or didn’t remember the dreams. I miss Ambien dearly.

The one commonality to all of these dreams is the ending- I wake up! I am always left to wonder whether it was the dream or rather the resulting reality that is truly bad. Am I cursed by the past or am I cursed by the present? I am left with a profound sadness for what I have lost as well as a profound guilt for not being able to let it go.


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