I have always enjoyed writing. Some people who I have known through the years have told me I am a good writer and in my more self indulgent moments I have chosen to believe them. It is likely the case that on occasion I may have even written something that was worthy of reading. I’m not sure that if that was a sign of my skill or merely the laws of averages showing mercy upon me.
My dream has always been to write a column in a newspaper where I could do what I do in this blog- write about my opinions and my life’s experiences. I envision such a column inspiring discussion between myself and others about our life experiences and our human frailties. I very much believe that communication- even if contrarian in nature is good. Lack of discussion leads us to distrust, misunderstanding and prejudices.
I have long since surrendered myself to the fact that both the high paid columnist job and me having a thirty-six inch waist size is just not meant to be. Life is about dreams- both realized and those that have been dashed.
I did finally succumb to temptation and created this blog on December 30th. I thought that this might be a way to “get my writing out there” for people to see. Like a marathoner running his first race I was quick out of the gate. As in most things that I start I am obsessive in the early days. I became totally self absorbed by my efforts. What will I write about next? How many blog hits do I have today? What comments have been left…?
Like the marathoner hitting the wall I suddenly had to stop and just wonder what the heck I was doing and why this effort should matter to me or anyone else.
I have come to think that writing such as this can be pure vanity. My assumption that my words, my ideas and my opinions matter to people is silly indeed. Why would anyone really give a fat squirrels tail what I think? Especially people who don’t know me? I am simply a man who has had life experience that are both good and bad. I have succeeded at some things and failed miserably at others. I am no different than you.
I did discuss this epiphany with my sister who did provide me with a solid bit of advice that I will use as I proceed forward with this blog. She said “…so write because you enjoy it. If others enjoy it as well, then fine. If not, fine. It’s for you.”
So indeed I will write as I wish- when I wish. If you should enjoy the writing then I am happy indeed but that will be purely incidental to my enjoyment. Apparently I have overcome my concerns of self absorption with an even greater degree of self concern. The cycle is a vicious one indeed!